Frontotemporal Dementia is not kind. It's not kind to the one suffering and it's not kind to their family. Last night was not good. This morning was worse.
I wish I knew what caused some days to be worse than others. Some days my husband doesn't seem to be there at all. Last night was a blur of trying to sleep through him turning on the bedroom light, leaving the master bathroom light and fan on, and him trying to figure out how to put a blanket on himself. He seemed to do everything but cover himself with his own blanket. He tried to steal my blanket repeatedly and then bark at me when I needed it back. He pulled up the comforter that was folded under our feet and pulled out all the sheets. He managed somehow to get the top sheet pulled up the wrong way and slept (if he slept) like that. At one point when I needed my blanket back he raised his voice and said "who are you?" "I don't know you!". It's difficult to tell if he was serious or being a turd. Is he failing to recognize me?
This morning he had arranged for some landscapers to come to our home and straighten up our yard. They arrived at 7 am and didn't leave until after 11 am. This seemed to be very taxing and overwhelming to him. It's like my husband is struggling to try and be the productive man he used to be, and failing miserably.
Halfway through the landscapers being here, my husband had an episode of incontinence. Now, I am being brutally honest here, but this is our life. This is where things really started to go downhill. He yelled and cursed at me like it was my fault he soiled himself, the floor, the rugs, the smears down the bathroom sink. After I cleaned, sanitized, and washed everything I saw that he was walking around without any bottoms on. No underwear, no pants. He then went out to our pool and got in naked. Keep in mind the landscapers were still working on our yard. So I (walking on eggshells of course) asked if the landscapers were still around and he said no, they left. Of course, they had not left, nor had they been paid for the day.
Fast forward a little after I had convinced him that the landscapers were still here, and he walks into the house naked. This moment was terribly puzzling to me. He sat on the bed and kept picking up various articles of clothing and acting like he had no idea what they were. He attempted to put a shirt on as underwear. He put on an actual pair of underwear then put on a second pair before taking them off. He managed to get a tank top, socks, and flip flops on.... still no bottoms. While this was happening the landscapers were ringing the doorbell (because they were done and looking for the day's payment) and my husband was cursing and yelling at me to not get the door. Very stressful!! Still struggling to put on clothing, he managed to get a pair of pants on.... yay!...then put on a second shirt, a polo shirt, backwards over his tank top. It was about this time I realized that the money for the landscapers was in his poopy pants from earlier, sitting in the washer. The landscapers I am sure thought it was very bizarre that he came to the door with 2 shirts on, one backwards, to pay them.
What happened next was a series of condescending profanity and threats toward me. He told me to get back in my room and stay there, through a series of terse profanity and putting his shoulders toward me in a threatening way. Always trying to be calm, I told him firmly he cannot speak to me like that. It never works, but I try. I think the hardest thing is dealing with the awful mean hurtful way he treats me sometimes and the horrible things he says to me, and trying to remember that his brain is shrinking and causing the behavior. How does one continue to be a caretaker, day after day, with the constant belittling, rude comments, and delusional thinking taking center stage?
UPDATE: Days later and he does not remember any of this behavior. I am sure it is somehow related to the extreme anxiety he experiences. Perhaps the landscapers were overwhelming. These blackouts are happening more frequently.
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