My Sweet Husband is Gone

My first husband was abusive. Not physically, other than hitting things around me, and throwing things by my head, but emotionally and verbally. He told me I would be pretty if I lost weight, that I was lazy, that I was a mooch, that I had no value because I didn't have a job (full time mother and homemaker didn't count to him). He left me after 3 kids and 10 years of marriage, for another woman halfway across the country. I loved him very much and was devastated when he said he wanted a divorce. It took a long time to get over that, and to recognize the abuse as abuse. After that, I vowed never again would I subject myself to a partner who constantly put me down and eroded my self esteem and justify it with love.

When I met my current husband, it was worlds apart in the way he treated me. He made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He was patient and listened to me without making every conversation about himself. He made me feel special just the way I was. And then FTD (Frontotemporal Dementia) happened. We have been together since 1998, married since 2003, and the FTD started rearing its ugly head around 2010. In the past 2-3 years, the behavior has been so hard to cope with and the sadness I have from my first marriage has again been brought to the surface. Even though I have dealt with the past abuse, and put it in the correct perspective, you always carry those emotions because you lived them. They don't just "go away". So when the ugly head of FTD rears up and your husband is telling you how stupid you are, slamming doors, shutting you in a room, telling you that you've ruined his life, that you are conspiring to make him look crazy, that you have no idea how badly he can hurt you...... it's plain awful. Even though you know the disease, the shrinking brain, the brain damage, is doing the talking, it hurts. So now my sweet husband is gone. I am married to a stranger that I don't recognize. How could this have happened!? 2 abusive husbands, one a narcissist and one with a degenerating brain. A bitter pill to swallow for sure.